Guilt
by Emador
Summary: Annie deals with her brother's death. [Written for the Newsies Pape Selling Competition. Task: Write a story centered around 2 emotions associated with colors. Prompts: Blue (Depression), Orange (Disappointment). 1,205 words, not including author's note.]


Author's Note: Written for the Newsies Pape Selling Competition. Annie deals with her brother's death. [Task: Write a story centered around 2 emotions associated with colors. Prompts: Blue (Depression), Orange (Disappointment). 1,205 words, not including author's note.]

* * *

A light drizzle fell on the small crowd gathered in the cemetery. The clouds above were so deep a gray they looked almost blue. Most of the newsies stood with their hats on and coats pulled tight against them. Davey stood holding an umbrella over him and Annie, holding her close to his side.

After a few words, the priest closed his Bible and gestured for the crowd to pay their respects. No one moved. Few of them dared to steal a glance at Annie, all waiting for her.

Davey looked down at her. "Annie?" he said quietly.

Annie just shook her head.

Davey looked up and caught Jack's eye. He gave a nod and Jack took Katherine's hand and they walked towards the grave. A line of newsies formed behind them as they each dropped a handful of dirt on the pine box at the bottom of the open grave.

Annie watched the line of newsies walk by without seeing any of them. She was dimly aware of Davey's arm around her, rubbing tiny circles on her shoulder with his thumb.

Annie said not a word as they walked to Jacobi's. Everything around her happened in a blur. She saw nothing and heard nothing.

"Annie, eat," Davey said softly.

Annie shook her head, not bothering to look at the sandwich Davey had ordered for her.

Davey sighed and glanced up at Katherine, who looked from him to Annie with a concerned look on her face.

Katherine knew Annie blamed herself. The Jacobs had all but adopted her even before Davey had started courting her. She had been so focused on working to make money to help Davey with his schooling; she didn't get a doctor for Crutchie until it had been too late.

"It's my fault," Annie said softly.

"No it's not," said Katherine, reaching across the table and putting her hand on Annie's.

Annie shook her head slowly. "All his life I've put others before him," she said. "When he broke his leg, I was more worried about father's repercussions on me than getting him the help he needed." She looked down at her hands. "I dumped him off at the lodging house when we ran away." Annie looked up at Katherine. "I scrimped and saved every penny I could for Davey…not once did I make sure Crutchie was okay."

"Stop," said Katherine. "You know sicknesses like his. They latch on and don't let go. What makes you think there was anything you could do?"

"I'm his sister. I was my job to find something." The air in Jacobi's got to be too much for Annie. She couldn't breathe. "I'll be back," she muttered to Davey as she pushed her chair out and stood up.

"You want me to come with you?" he asked, watching her with concern.

Annie shook her head and stepped outside. Through the window, Davey watched her wrap her arms around herself, her jacket left draped over her chair. Davey picked it up and began to stand up.

"No, Davey," said Katherine. "Just let her be."

Jack stood up and grabbed the jacket, heading for the door.

"Jack," Katherine started, but he was already out the door.

Jack dropped the jacket around Annie's shoulders. "You'll catch your death out here," said Jack.

"I don't care."

Jack watched her for a few beats. "I do," he said. She looked over at him. "Katherine does. Sure as hell Davey does."

Annie just shook her head. "You all would be better off without someone like me anyway."

Jack sighed. "That's not true," he said. "One day you'll realize that."

They were both silent for several moments. Jack took out a cigarette and let it hang off his lips. He offered one to Annie, but she just shook her head, not looking at him. He lit it and as he took a puff, the end glowed bright orange. He exhaled, the cold making the smoke last much longer in the air. Annie watched the smoke dissipate and slowly disappear. Much like her brother – there one minute, gone the next.

"I wasn't there for him," said Jack, looking over the still-crowded street. The cold and drizzle didn't keep New Yorkers inside. "He was askin' for me, and I wasn't there."

"Yep," Annie said softly. Crutchie's final moments were burned into her memory forever. The weak, but ever-present, smile had been on his lips as he asked when Jack would back. None of them could've realized the illness could've taken such a turn so quickly. "You were more of a brother to him than I ever was a sister to him."

Jack frowned. "What? No, he loved you."

Annie shook her head. "I neglected him."

"Annie, Crutchie adored you. He knew you loved him. He knew you couldn't see him all the time."

"Because I was too busy selfishly working away to—"

"Stop," said Jack, the word coming out much more firmly than he'd intended, but he didn't know what to follow it up with.

Moments later, the bell over the door rang and Davey and Katherine stepped onto the sidewalk.

"You okay?" Davey asked, putting his hand on Annie's back.

Annie nodded, though they all knew it was a lie.

"Come on. I'll walk you home," he said softly. He took her hand in his. She nodded and allowed herself to be led away from the restaurant, leaving Jack and Katherine behind.

Every few steps, Davey glanced over at Annie. She was taking Crutchie's death hard – not in a usual way that a family member might. There was a lot of guilt associated with her grief. Guilt that Davey was afraid might drive a wedge between them, since Annie's guilt was attached to things she'd done for him instead of her brother. Had he known, he would've done something; he would've gotten a doctor had he known how quickly Crutchie would take a turn for the worst.

"Why don't you stay at our place tonight?" he suggested gently. "Mama can make up the couch for you. Or I can sleep on the couch and you can take my bed."

"I'm fine."

Davey knew it wouldn't be good for her to be alone. Even though her lodging house had other girls, Annie kept them all at arm's length.

"Annie," Davey said softly, stopping them. He turned to her and took her hands in his. "Please? Crutchie loved you, and he wouldn't want you putting yourself through this. Let us take care of you."

Annie looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time all day. The love and concern she saw there made her want to fall into his arms and sob. She'd been so used to taking care of herself most of her life, and then along came Davey. The one person she let herself be vulnerable with. The one person she'd allow to see her weaknesses. She'd let him in to the deepest part of her heart and he treasured it.

She was far from forgiving herself for anything, but she gave a small nod. "Okay," she said softly.

Davey gave a small, relieved smile. He put his arm around her and they turned the corner towards his parents' apartment.


End file.
